Coffee Talk Redux is a reflection on things God is teaching me. In some cases the ideas for these topics come from the Coffee Talk group that I meet with weekly at the Vintage Coffee Bistro located in Lambertville, Michigan. At other times the Redux topic may arise from some conversation I may have had with someone, or a thought that crossed my mind, or perhaps something I read somewhere, or maybe a combination of all of these. In any case think of this as a discussion on what God is teaching us to help us grow in our understanding of His will.
As told in John 2:1-11 Christ performed His first miracle and began His public life at the Wedding Feast at Cana. Christ held marriage to be a sacred act and He raised the act of marriage between baptized persons to that of a sacrament within the Church. By making marriage a sacrament, Christ let man understand that the Old Law of Moses which allowed for divorce was a result of man’s sinful nature and his hardness of heart ( Matthew 19:8 ) but that this was not the way God intended for marriage to be. Christ taught that marriage is a unity and an indissoluble bond that lasted until the death of one of the marriage partners. However, because of man’s sinful nature many couples today for a variety of reasons may still separate or will even try to dissolve the bond of marriage. In this latter case the couple perhaps because of a poor understanding of the nature of the marriage bond may seek a civil divorce. In other cases they may ask the Church for an annulment of the marriage.
Marriage was raised to the level of a sacrament through the teachings of Christ as expressed by Paul in Ephesians 5:25-32. Marriage as a sacred act between a man and a woman has the essential characteristics of unity and indissolubility that is sealed by God. Through their marriage the man and woman become one flesh and their love for one another results in an indissoluble bond. The marriage bond is rich in symbolism and the nature of the marriage bond expresses God’s unconditional and enduring love for mankind as well as the love that Christ has for His Church. Just as God’s love for mankind never ends the love between the married couple also must endure until they are separated by death. Paul in his Epistle to the Ephesians also saw in the marriage bond the same love that Christ has for His Church, for he says of the man and woman, the two shall become one. This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the Church. What Paul is saying is that the couple must love one another with the same fidelity that Christ shows in His love for His Church. Just as the Church cannot exist without Christ, the man and woman cannot live without each other. This is a form of love that is unconditional and ever present until the death of one of the partners. Just as Christ died for His Church a man must so love his wife that he is willing to die for her, a total giving of himself to his wife. The wife in turn responds with her gift of love and devotion to her husband. The love that exists between a married couple is therefore a witness to God’s unfailing and irrevocable love. With the help of Christ the indissolubility of the marriage bond is not to be seen as an impossible burden to bear since as taught in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (1615) it is by following Christ, renouncing themselves, and taking up their crosses that spouses will be able to ‘receive’ the original meaning of marriage and live it with the help of Christ. As a sacrament instituted by Christ marriage also confers on the couple by the res tantum of the act those graces needed to live a married life in Christ. A marriage formed in Christ therefore has the grace and the strength to endure through any difficulty or hardship. Marriage according to the teaching of Christ is therefore an indissoluble union and an act that is sealed by God, for Christ says in the Gospel of Matthew 19:5-7, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. So they are no longer two but one. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder.
However, for a variety of grave reasons it sometimes happens that it is impossible for the couple to continue to live together. When married life becomes unbearable the couple may physically separate and actually live apart. Although separated, the couple is still married in the eyes of God and each partner may not enter into another conjugal relationship or marry someone else. Separation of the married partners is not to be seen as a prelude to dissolve the marriage bond or as permission to form a new marriage. The hope with separation is that at some later time the couple will reconcile and continue to live together again as a married couple.
Faced with what may seem to be irreconcilable differences many married couples may seek a civil divorce. A civil divorce is a legal proceeding that follows the civil laws established within the jurisdiction where the couple resides. A divorce is a legal dissolution of the marriage bond and as far as secular society is concerned the partners of a dissolved marriage are no longer married and they are free to marry again and form a new civil union. However, Christ teaches that a married couple may not obtain a civil divorce that leads to an end to the marriage bond. In Mark 10:11-12 (RSV) Christ says, Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery. Divorce and subsequent remarriage is not a solution to the problems and challenges of married life. The Church teaches based on these words of Christ that if the first marriage was valid and the couple later obtains a civil divorce they cannot enter into another civil marriage since this would be against God’s law. Additionally, if either of the divorced partners is remarried in a civil union the Church also teaches (CCC, 1650) that they cannot receive Eucharistic communion as long as this situation persists. The only remedy for reconciliation with the Church and returning to a state of grace is being committed to continence and asking for forgiveness through the Sacrament of Penance (CCC, 1650) for having violated the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ.
As a means of protecting the state of marriage the Church has defined the existence of a set of circumstances that are actually impediments to marriage. The so-called diriment impediment is a situation based on ecclesiastical law that makes a marriage invalid. A variety of situations can serve as diriment impediments to marriage. For example, by the law of nature itself permanent impotence that exists before marriage makes the marriage invalid. In addition, natural law forbids valid marriage between very close relatives. Other situations that serve as diriment impediments include being too young for marriage, being forced into marriage, a previous or existing marriage, the prior reception of holy orders or a solemn vow of chastity taken within a religious order, as well as crimes such as the murder of one’s spouse in order to enter into a new marriage. In addition, a marriage between a Catholic and someone who has not been baptized is also invalid unless a dispensation has been granted. Therefore because of these diriment impediments a Catholic who knowingly enters into an invalid marriage is in reality and before God not married.
A valid marriage also requires the mutual consent of the partners. The partners must have sufficient use of their reason to enter into the marriage contract and they (Code of Canon Law, 1096) must be at least not ignorant that marriage is a permanent partnership between a man and a woman ordered to the procreation of offspring by means of some sexual cooperation. However, a marriage contract is invalid if (Code of Canon Law, 1101.2) either or both of the parties by a positive act of the will exclude marriage itself, some essential element of marriage, or some essential property of marriage.
Because of these diriment impediments in some cases it can be shown that a marriage that fails was never really a valid marriage from the start. In these cases an annulment of the invalid marriage may be obtained from the Church. An annulment is not the same thing as a divorce. A divorce is a dissolution of the marriage bond whereas an annulment is a formal recognition by the Church that there was from the beginning an invalid marriage. An annulment is obtained through a formal and lengthy process that is initiated by one of the partners in the questionable marriage. The testimony of both partners as well as from witnesses is presented to a panel of three judges representing the Church. If they decide to grant an annulment their decision is automatically appealed to a higher level in order to protect and preserve the dignity of the Sacrament of Marriage. After the annulment is granted the partners of the invalid marriage are free to marry again and if Catholic this marriage may be validly celebrated within the Church.
Marriage as a sacrament therefore represents an indissoluble union of the partners that is formed in the presence of God. Just as God’s love for man is unconditional and enduring the love between a married couple must also persist until the death of one of the partners. Because of the unity and indissolubility of the marriage bond the Church does not allow civil divorce and those that do divorce and form new civil unions are no longer in communion with the Church. In some cases because of a diriment impediment a marriage may not have been contracted. If this is proven to be the case then from the point of view of the Church there never was a marriage bond and the partners are free to enter into new marriages.
© Ronald L. Fournier – 2008
